Friday, December 31, 2010


While most adults are thinking about cleaning up and taking down the X-mas decorations, those in a party mood are thinking about what plans they will have tonight for New Years Eve, my day will be like it has been for many years... Celebrating C1's birthday.

She's 13 today.

Wow. I officially am the mother to a teenager. No words can describe the magnitude of feelings i've been for the past 2 days. I've been thinking about how old she's getting, how old i'm getting, how this day i never could have imagined. I never really thought about this milestone. Just vaguely, hell i don't recall anything major happening when i turned 13. But this is special this is different.

C1 and I are not a like. When i think of the things i did the summer after i turned 13 and i think about her now, i can see how different. Part of me is happy, at 13 i was really walking into my dangerous rebel years that didn't end till i was 16. At 13 she's looking for people to play Bakugan, she's trading pokemon cards and excited about the promise i made that i would let her drink soda at home. Its strange to think that while she's growing up psychically, She's still that wonderful girl with autism. The girl who still needs to have the delicate balance of the push so she will be prepared for the world, and the shield by a parent aware of how cruel the world is to those that are different.

I'm scared.
and yet i'm excited.

She is still wonderful in her own way. She is still forging her own path. She still needs hand holding. She still needs me to let go and push.

And so i do. I push, and lot to the next few years. Dating, driving, high school, college. The dreams of a parent are still the same even when your child is on the spectrum. The difference is the expectations. I know she has dreams and so i want her dreams to come true.

Happy birthday my sweet busy bee. From the tiny 5lb 4oz head full of jet black hair baby i pushed out with ease, to the 5 ft, 90lb, wavy brown hair just like your dad's, glasses like me, and a love of scarves all your own.

I love you, for all you are, all you've done and all i know you will be.

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