Tuesday, June 19, 2007

so many books

Since my mom told me about the DNR i have been slowing moving through life. Forcing myself out o bed getting through the day and then drinking heavily till i fall asleep at night. As to be expected? i break into crying fits at possibly the worse moments over the most trivial things. So what have i been fixated lately? BOOKS.

I lived with my grandmother till i was 18. you see my mom wasn't exactly upwardly mobile in her homelife like she was in her career, and while all her siblings moved out me and her stayed right there. I actually moved out for college moved back in when c1's dad left me then moved out again when c1 was 18 months old. My mom moved out 2 years later. Me being the only child of a career driven women I would come home from private school everyday, sit in the Senior citizen community center with my grandmother and read. when i got home i would read some more. My inner tomboy was only around during the summer. In my grandmother's house are several bookcases, one in the living room thats 6' tall that i think we got when i was about 12 and several shorter ones about 4" in the hallway. the shorter ones all house my mom's textbooks from nursing school, and the big bookcase was slowing filled up with my books. there was just one shelve for the 2 encyclopedias we had, one from 1964 and another from the 70's.

All day yesterday and today i couldn't stop thinking about how i would have to go back to that house and move all those books. So now bookshelves make me cry, and i don't even have a bookcase in my house. this sucks.

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