Movie Review: The Five-Year Engagement

On the 1 year anniversary of the day they met Tom and Violet get engaged. They don't originally intend to have a super long engagement but life sometimes has other plans. That's the premise of The Five-Year Engagement. The movie stars Jason Segel of How I Met Your Mother fame, and Emily Blunt who i couldn't place until i got home and looked her up. She was in The Adjustment Bureau.

This movie is a comedy and yes there are some good laughs in it but that doesn't change all the issues with this movie. First I like Jason Segel on TV but he cannot carry a film. The man just is not a lead role kind of guy. He does better as a wing man. Sooner or later people will stop expecting him to headline films. The star of this where most of the laughter in the theater came from was from Chris Pratt who played Bright on Everwood. damn that was a good show. Chris Pratt is Tom's best friend and a rude, crude guy who steals all the best lines. Every scene he's in is comedy gold, even the scenes later with Violet and her sister Suzie played by MadMen's Alison Brie having a fight in the voices of Elmo and Cookie Monster (C is for condom) are quite funny. Anyone moment where the funny bits don't involve Jason Segel. I found myself mildly entertained but it was very apparently that all the high points of which there are few were from the supporting cast, The pickle guy from the sandwich shop, Violet's coworkers int he psych department, the SAHD with a hunting fetish, its all from everyone but the male lead. In the scenes with just Tom and Violet even the ones that you are expected to laugh at fall flat.

I give this movie a wait for cable. The funny parts are laugh out loud funny but just too far between to make this a good comedy. This is a movie where you when the trailer doesn't excite you you know its not going to be worth it. Although the slideshow of Tom's past loves bit is pretty funny.



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Movie Review: The Pirates Band of Misfits

Hugh Grant lends his voice in the latest animated film from the people who brought you Wallace & Gromit. The Pirates! Band of Misfits is a story about a relatively tame and wildly unsuccessful pirate named Pirate Captain, and his crew who are equally inept. Every year the Pirate King who is dressed like Elvis, gives an award to the pirate who brings in the most booty. Pirate Captain who's crew sincerely adores him are excited when he explains since he always loses this year by default is his year to finally win the trophy. while he's ready to submit his application we see who he's up against. Cutlass Liz voiced by Selma Hayek as the hot but deadly and more dangerous female pirate. Black Bellamy known as the best pirate out there and voiced by Jeremy Piven, is showy but its clear everyone thinks he's number one.

In his quest to get the most booty, he by chance since he's such a bad pirate end up meeting Charles Darwin and his monkey BoBo. Charles is madly in love with the Queen Victoria Regina who hates pirates with a blazing passion.

Now I've always liked Wallace & Gromit the humor works for me although C1 does not care much for it. She was laughing during most of this movie. There were some moments where the jobs went over her head, plus while waiting for this movie to start we had a lively conversation about who's better Pirates, Ninjas or Chuck Norris.

The writing is smart the storyline is good and its funny. We did see it in 3-D and it was respectable. Probably since its animation its easier to film and actually have things feel 3-D on the screen. I don't think it was needed, but it was at least done well enough. I laughed quite a few times, but found myself smirking more because of the jokes.

I give this movie a Matinee. Its a kid's film at its heart that's the target audience and its a good film for the age 7 and up since there is potty humor. younger kids should sit through it fine as it clocks in around 90 minutes, its a dialog heavy film but still a silly funny in parts there weren't too many children at the screening so i heard a ton more adult voices. As a parent if you find a Wallace & Gromit episode acceptable, this is OK as well.

Pirates! Band of Misfits is Rated PG.

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Fifty Shades of Grey, Smut wrapped up in cliches

How can there be so much controversy about a fictional best seller? I had to ask myself the same question when I one day came across a message board post about Fifty Shades of Grey. I don't usually read the New York Times Book Review as much as I used to so I wasn't even aware of this book. When I asked about it I got so many conflicting comments, “its smut”, “it's terrible and raunchy”, its fan-fic”, “its like Twilight but better”, “its amazing and so hot”. But nobody would tell me what it was about. So I finally downloaded it on my Nook and decided to give it a go.

Fifty Shades of Grey  is the 1^st is the Fifty Shades series, all 3 books have been released already so if you happen to enjoy it you don't have to wait for the rest of the trilogy. The book is by British author E. L. James. The book itself is set in Washington state. Now full disclosure I haven't read the Twilight books nor seen the movies. The idea that some vampire with glitter would be appealing is just not working for me. Vampires don't sparkle. I'm in my 30's the vampires I know were cultivated from reading Anne Rice and seeing old Bela Lugosi movies. But I digress. Back to this book.

The main characters of this book are Anastasia Steele, a 22 year old virgin. She's smart, and wants to work in publishing. Her mom is a hopeless romantic and Anastasia spend a good portion of her formative years in Texas with her stepdad she's typical American middle class, her favorite book is Tess of the d'Urbervilles . Katherine Kavanugh is her best friend and roommate. Katherine is beautiful, charismatic and driven. Shes also wealthy. Christian Grey is a 27 year old self made billionaire who Anastasia only happens to meet because Katherine is too sick to do it herself. Christian is possessive, guarded, insanely handsome, and a classical top.

This book is not good at all. The writing style is messy in that the author uses terms that would not be used by American born and raised 20-somethings. British vernacular creeps up in the story here and there. Anastasia is clueless about dating. She's described as attractive she's not terribly shy but she clearly doesn't notice that she has men who have been subtly trying to date her throughout the years. She thinks of herself as not special because she can't even see her admirers until Christian takes an interest in her. I didn't hate her which is good but she's a dim bulb when it comes to the things that happen around her and she has the sheltered girl syndrome thing going on. She is not a virgin because she was saving herself she is because she can't take a hint. Anastasia spend her life being dominated by her best friend who tells her what to do, directs her in which way she should carry on, she's living with Katherine for free, wearing her clothes and doing what she needs. While Ana sometimes gets authoritative she's a people-pleaser who doesn't like to make waves. The book makes you want to hate Christian or fall madly in love with him. Can't say I did either. Christian is written like a heavily cliched classically flawed character. He's powerful, domineering, handsome and damaged goods. The book is pretty much telling you the only reason he's so forceful, demanding and into BDSM is because he was abused as a child and a sub to a older woman for several years as a teenager. Here's where I take major issue. I hate that this is written that the only reason to explain away Christian's kinky sex life is because he's damaged. It is falling into the same ploy people use all the time that only people who enter the sex trade or kinky lifestyles have sexual or physical trauma from their past. Its simply not true. There are many people out there who are into the BDSM lifestyle who weren't raped, molested, beaten or abused. Even Ana spends so much try focusing on that same cliché and Christian totally lives up to it. It was maddening to read these graphic S&M scenes and then Ana's all focused on Christian faint body scars. The book does something right in introducing the idea of limits and that a good top/bottom relationship starts with knowing hard limits and soft limits, you don’t make it up as you go thats for exploring when you enter to situation these are things that need to be discussed. I myself admit i've been in situations where it was discussed far to late, its something that needs to be on the table for a healthy sex life if that is indeed your thing.

Christian wants a new sub, Ana wants to explore the dark crevices of his mind and make him her lover and its a pain in the ass. Have we not learned nothing? You can't change someone to be what you want them to be but Ana sure as hell tries and i'm willing to bet without reading the other 2 books she gets him to stop his Dom ways to be her husband all loving and shit. Blah bullshit.

This book is just not good. If you have no idea of what happens in a Dom/Sub relationship this book will really shock you. If you don't already have a real idea of what BDSM means the contractual discussion and the introduction of the play room will open your eyes. If you want a tortured soul and the girl who saves him will this is part one of that and you will probably like it. If nothing the sex scenes are on par with some of the smut you can get in most ebook format for free on Smashwords or under $3 on Amazon or B&N. There's no sex till 6 or 7 chapters in, and I have to wonder about the women who are rushing out to buy grey ties for their husbands because there's a whole lot more to bondage then a grey tie used for convenience. I can't recommend this book. The first book ends with a cliff hanger. If you find yourself actually enjoying it halfway thru get the 2^nd book. If your like me you probably put this book down several times because its painful to read in parts. 

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